I am still here

It's been months since I have thought about updating or even posting to any of my blogs. I doubt I have any readers still but if I do, thank you for keeping me in your favorites. I am going to update you on what has been going on.

Last year (seems funny to say that since it was only weeks ago) just before Christmas I was admitted to the hospital for two weeks. I was admitted on my birthday, happy 33rd birthday! It was officially the worst birthday of my short life thus far. I got release on December 23rd two days before my first Christmas all alone. Last year was one of the toughest years of my life and everything that happened seems like a fictional novel but it wasn't as it really did happen. I would love to write a book about it even though I wouldn't know how to even put my thoughts about the year into "readable" phrases. I might not make much sense but to have gone through it all still seems like a bit of a nightmare.

So anyways, I am doing better since my admission. I am back on medication to level off the seratonin in my brain, lucky me I was born with a seratonin deficiency and it will be this way for the rest of my life. I can't help it and I can't help that people don't understand my "illness" I wish it would go away but I can't change the way my brain works, if I could I certainly would. I hate that I have to take medication to feel somewhat "normal" but it's like having any other illness that needs medication, it's necessary.

This year I am trying very hard to take each day as it comes and not worry about tomorrow as there is nothing I can do about the future. I am not going to school right now as planned and that makes me very sad but again, there isn't anything I can do about it right now. I am going to try to take care of myself and get things in order so I can be ready to go to school. I know it will be a huge move and an even bigger change so I have to be strong enough to endure it.

I have been reading a lot of books lately and barely sleeping. The sleeping is getting to me as I just can't sleep more than 4 hours lately and I am exhausted and even when I take my medication to help me sleep it doesn't help. Reading kind of relaxes me and helps my mind think of other things. Well, try as I may, I will write more often and update my blogs.

Ciao,
Monique