Friday Blues

I know that most people think that Friday's are great because a weekend is coming. But for me this weekend I am not really looking forward to being alone and not being at work. I suppose that I will get used to being alone on the weekends but then again I don't know if that will happen anytime soon. I don't need to take up more hobbies but perhaps get back into the ones I love so much already. I may have to just go for a walk and take pictures or bring along my sketch book and draw whatever inspires me. I could go for a walk and find somewhere new to read a book or just relax and breathe in the clean air God gave us. Yes, a weekend is a good time to do anything or nothing at all, in time I will get used to them.

I will have to make some new friends or ask some co-workers to hang out with me or them and their families. What do I do with myself? I am so worried that I am making myself feel worse which isn't really good. It still feels as though I am dreaming and that when I wake up my life will be the way it was in April, everything was okay and there was half the stress. Why can't I deal with a break up as easy as some people? Am I that dependant on a person that I can't take care of myself or learn to?

The only thing I really want right now, is to go back to school and to do something that I have been dreaming of, acting. I have applied to Vancouver Film School and God willing I will be given the opportunity to learn and use my creative abilities to do work that I can shine in. I just have to come up with the $200.00 application fee then I will have a chance. I would also love to find someone to come with me to share a place to rent, would be nice to have someone there or just not feel completely alone in a new province. Then again, I have lived here alone for 9 years so I am sure I can survive for 2 in BC.

Another thing I dream of is my "Edward" yes I am addicted to Twilight but isn't everyone? Don't we all like to lose ourselves in a world where life seems too perfect? I am hoping to find my "Edward" and I guess like the character I have waited a long time for him, but I won't give up or give in to anything less than I want or deserve. Twilight is a story I can't get enough of, it lets me escape my real (horrible) life and dream that I were in the place of Bella, I would give anything to be in her place really. She has everything I want and more. A loving, caring and devoted husband and a family that is close and sticks together. Is that so much to ask for? In this society and day it seems like a long shot but then again I am no normal girl. I think I am a bit old fashioned just like Edward and I need another "old soul" to marry. Only time will tell but time can be my worst enemy or my best friend.

Hugs,
Monique