Well it's been nearly two weeks since my break up and I am feeling still really lost, not because the relationship is over, just because I am not sure what I am going to do now. I have been dependant upon him for the past 10 years for companionship and so much more. If trying to commit suicide wasn't enough of a dilemma now this. And this past week I have been sick with Gastroenteritis so bad that I had to miss 2 days of work and my voice lesson. To top it all off, today is the anniversary of the murder of my little sister Rosalynn, 17 years ago she was taken away from me in an act of violence I won't ever forget.
Since I won't be going to China this year I have decided that this blog would be better use of the rest of the stuff going on.
It seems when I set my mind about something and it changes, it really throws me back a lot. I am having a hard time coping with my day to day life and it's really starting to get to me. I am trying really hard to not think about tomorrow and just concentrate on today, but that is even hard. I know I have been through worse and don't get how I am having a harder time this time than last. I have been to hell and back and am still here but this small bump in the road is making me more anxious.
Well on a brighter note, I have applied to go back to school, I just have to come up with the $200.00 registration fee somehow. I am thinking that if I am accepted this will be a good opportunity for me and if not, well I guess I will have to think about where I want to be or where I am going. I am not really sure what to do with myself all I know is that I am not happy and I need to find a way to make myself happy.
The weight has been coming off rapidly, only because of a lack of appetite and me being so sick but I am down nearly 20 pounds in the last 2 months, not that I am feeling better about it.
Anyways, today is a gift that is why we call it the present.
Hugs,
Monique
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